Classic Guyanese And Caribbean Jokes

It's great to know we can make fun of ourselves and others. These jokes are very humorous and would make you scream with laughter, please enjoy.

Guyanese and Trinis: Three Guyanese and three Trinis travelling by train to a cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the station, the 3 Trinis buy a ticket each and watch as the three Guyanese buy just one ticket. "How allyuh goin on only one ticket?" asks one of the Trinis.      "Watch nah," answers one of the Guyanese. They all board the train. The Trinis take their respective seats but all three Guyanese cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says," Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Trinis see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the Guyanese style on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Guyanese don't buy a ticket at all !!! "Whey boy! Whah happen tuh all allyuh? How allyuh travelling without a ticket?" says one perplexed Trini. "Abey know how fuh wuk ting. Watch nah" answers a Guyanese. When they board the train the three Trinis cram into one toilet and soon after the three Guyanese cram into another nearby toilet. The train departs.Shortly afterwards, one of the Guyanese leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Trinis are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The Guyanese takes the ticket and goes back into his toilet. :)))

Who Should Make The Coffee? A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said to her husband, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:"HE BREWS" :)))

Donovan and Leila: A Caribbean Love Story. Donovan was on his death bed. His wife Leila was maintaining bedside. She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Mih dahlin Leila," he whispered. "Hush mih love," she said. "Rest. Shhh...doh talk." He was insistent. "Leila" he said, in his tired voice. Me have someting me hafa confess to yuh." "Yuh have nuttin to confess"No, no, me hafa die in peace love. Me sleep wit yuh sister, yuh best friend and yuh mudda." "Me know," answered Leila, "dats why me poison yuh." :)))

Krassing De Barder: A California Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the Guyanese driver that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won US$5,000 in the State safety competition."So, what are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I gwan get a driver licence," he answered with pride and jubilation. "Oh, don't listen to he, na." yelled the Trinidadian woman in the passenger's seat. "He always a smart ass when he drunk." This commotion woke up the Barbadian guy in the back seat. He took one look at the cop and moaned, "Oh shit-rass, I knew we ain' gon' get farin no teifin car." At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a Jamaican voice yelled out, "Hey! I man mek it krass de barda yet?!" :)))

Only A Guyanse: A Guyanese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Guyana on a vacation for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Guyanese man hands over the keys to a new brand BMW 740i. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Guyanese produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Guyanese for using a $80,000 BMW as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the BMW into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Guyanese man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a successful business man. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The Guyanese replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" :)))

Bwoy...Go Get Yuh Moddah: A boy and his father from the Caribbean were visting America for the first time. The first time they went to a mall, they were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slideback together again. The boy asked, "Ah whahdat, daddy?" The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, minevah see notting so inna mi life! Mi nuh know what it is!" While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous young woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, says quietly to his son, "Bwoy... Go get yuh moddah!" :)))

Balgobin searches for Jesus: Balgobin who is always drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the Corentyne river, performed by some white man pastor, who came to Guyana on a "crusade". Balgobin proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" Balgobin looks back and says, "Yes sir , meh ready fa find am." The minister then dunks him under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, meh did not, Mista Pasta." The preacher in disgust holds Balgobin under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" Balgobin wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Yuh sure dis is where he fall in?" :)))

Only A Jamaican: Three men from the Caribbean living together in London; a Trinidadian, a Barbadian and a Jamaican, they didn't have money to buy food. However, upon coming close to a posh restaurant they came up with a plan. The Trinidadian went in first. After being seated he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he was finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque. "But I paid you!" the Trinidadian shouted. The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the Trini leave. Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by with the cheque. "But I paid you!" The Barbadian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the Bajan, he did not want to upset the other customers he let the Bajan go. Ten minutes later the Jamaican walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Red Stripe beers. After he was finished, the waiter came  with the cheque and said, "Sir... I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them, so..Before he could finish, the Jamaican chimed in loudly "Hear mi nuh boss, that ah fi yu problem...jus gimme mi change!" :)))

A Jamaican and a Trinidadian: A Jamaican and a Trinidadian, was waiting at the pearly gate. "How you dead?" the Trinidadian man asked the Jamaican. "Me freeze to deht mon," says the Jamaican."How does it feel to freeze to death?" asked the Trinidadian. "Well bredda it very uncomfiteble at first but when de cold lick you, you whole body shake an you get pain ina you fingas and toes. Eventually, it is a very calm way fi dead. Yu get numb and den yu jus drift off, like when yua sleep." "How you dead mon?" asked the Jamaican."I had a heart attack", says the Trinidadian. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom and found her alone" I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The Jamaican man shakes his head. "Kiss mi rass!"  If yu did jus check de rahtid freezah, di two-ah-we would still be alive!":)))